New policies

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Kellis Amberlee
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New policies

Post by Kellis Amberlee »

Hi everyone!

In light of the recent conflicts on the board we wanted to say something. We've listened to the criticism from you and discussed our next step. For every outspoken commenter we have a bunch of lurkers and users who
rarely post anything. This goes out to all of you. We are always learning and evolving as a forum and as moderators and admin. A lot of good things were brought up and discussed and in reflection of that, here are some New Policies that we are adopting. We apologize for failing recently to take autism aspects of mental health care into consideration. Lesson learned.

NEW POLICIES

  • When you want to call someone out for saying something offensive/hurtful/etc, a brief call-out in the thread is fine. Try to be as explicit as possible about what they said that hurts you; if you can't, because you're too upset/don't have the spoons/have lost the ability to articulate, either say so ("I have no spoons to explain, but ouch. That hurt a lot." - for example) or report it and we'll do our best to work out the issue. A longer explanation of why it hurts you/the social justice issues involved/etc is a derail. Instead, start a new thread. If you want, you can invite the person who made the error to join you there.
  • If someone calls you out, the optimal response is, "I'm sorry; I won't do it again." This is fine to say in-thread. If you don't understand the problem, or you understand but disagree, don't discuss it in-thread - that's a derail. Instead, start a new thread to ask questions/open a debate. If you want, you can invite the person who called you out to join you there.
  • When two users' needs are both equally valid but are in conflict, we probably won't come down on one side or the other, because we value both. If neither user has done so already, we will open a discussion thread about the issue, but take no other action as long as both parties have tried their best to stay civil. (Swearing/general anger/etc are fine. This is not a tone argument. Problems would arise if the discussion included name-calling/slurs/etc.)
  • If we DO come down on one side, it's probably because we've had input from other users that we can't share. Please trust that we've got good reason, even if it seems unfair to you.
Our diverse userbase is one of the board's strengths, but it does mean that there are going to be conflicting needs of different users. No one issue or trait or trigger is The Most Important. We try to avoid too many hard and fast rules because not everything works for everyone, but it means sometimes people can't be accommodated as they want or need.

This is a safe place, not a safe space. More exactly, this is a learning space that's pretty 101. Everyone starts from where they are and everyone is doing their best. That's more than enough for us. If you're a seasoned pro: great! Don't expect everyone else to be. To quote the rules:
Just as ignorance isn't an excuse to be an asshole, neither is being correct. Be gentle with your fellow users. When they make mistakes, try to say so without resorting to personal attacks or spitefulness. There is a difference between "spirited debate" and "being a jerk." You don't owe anyone an education, and feel free to guide people to our 101 Space, but remember that nobody is perfect and we all had to learn, once.

Social justice principles are important because most of the time, they serve people-first and make sure we take care of everyone. But we are not a social justice forum, and we will not choose the principle over the person. While we see the value of social justice discussion, this isn't going to become a social justice board. This is a place where you can come for help with your problems and ask questions. It's a place where you can see that you're not alone, that others out there are experiencing the same things you thought were only in your head.

People seek help from the level that they're on. That's absolutely fine. Some of our users aren't ready to join the discussion yet but that doesn't mean that they're any less valued than any other. Every voice matters. Even if you're not ready to talk yet.

We strive to be as gentle as possible with everyone and ask that you do the same to us on the team. We are also just people. Though we strive to be open with regards to modding, we are never going to be completely transparent. A lot of the things we do, but do not explain, are because we got a report or a PM from a user. Their privacy is first and foremost. We hope that you trust that we have good reasons to do what we do. If you think a mistake has been made, a quick message to the mod in question or a report is a good way to reach us quickly and might clear things up without having to make a forums-wide announcement.

A way to handle things in a productive way is to go straight to the source. If a user does something that makes you feel bad, you (or someone you trust) can also address that person directly. Ideally the user will apologize and/or fix what they did. Both sides feel heard and the problem is solved. This can be a quicker way to talk things out than involving the team. If they turn out to be less than willing to help fix things, you can always contact someone on the team then. Calling someone out will almost always get them defensive. Be gentle. Everyone messes up sometimes.

Just as everyone messes up we like to give people the chance to learn and move on when they've said something bad. We're anti keeping score. Responding in an old thread for the sake of discussion is great and encouraged. Reporting an old post so we can add trigger warnings to keep later readers safe is absolutely fine. Calling someone out for something they said a month ago and have since apologized for is not a good look.

On that note. Every voice matters, but sometimes we have to shut up so we can listen. If you're getting a lot of pushback it might be worth stepping back a bit and examining possible reasons. Not doubling down. There's nothing wrong with taking a step back. The same goes for if you're triggered. Take care of yourself first. In the end you don't owe this board anything. We're not going to get angry if you miss a few days or weeks. We'll be here with love and understanding when you get back.

We've made a thread for discussing this post.

We'd love to hear from you.
The difference between the truth and a lie is that both of them can hurt, but only one will take the time to heal you afterward.

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carbonatedwit
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Re: New policies

Post by carbonatedwit »

Minor policy update: If you want to post a survey, such as for school, please run it by the moderation team first.

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